I had an assignment where I watched the newly promoted General Manager make a fatal error. He spent his first six months trying to be liked. Daily barbecues, endless meetings where “everyone’s opinion mattered,” birthday cakes for every staff member.

But when real decisions had to be made, such as budget cuts, layoffs, and performance crackdowns, no one respected his authority. Worse, they resented him for “pretending” to be their friend.

The board fired him within a year. I see it often, where a leader tries hard to be liked. You know those leaders who try to buy their way into people’s hearts. It rarely works.

When I reflect on my upbringing in the bushy villages of Munteme, one thing is clear: the village elder wasn’t the most liked person. He was feared. He made tough calls on who got land, who didn’t.

He resolved disputes when tempers were flaring. He was trusted to act in the best interest of the whole village, even if you didn’t personally like him. Great leadership is not about being liked. It is about being respected.

The obsession with being liked is a modern disease in leadership, especially among new managers and executives. Leaders confuse social acceptance with organizational effectiveness.

They confuse smiles with loyalty. But leadership is not a popularity contest. It is a results-driven responsibility.

When you aim to be liked:

  1. You avoid tough conversations.
  2. You overpromise to please.
  3.  You lose credibility because you swing with the wind.

When you aim to be trusted:

  1. You communicate clearly and act consistently.
  2. You do what is right, not what is easy.
  3. You build a foundation where people follow you even when they disagree.
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"One of the leadership traps is chasing "likes" instead of earning trust."

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During another strategy support project for a regional bank, I insisted we start by surveying staff about leadership culture. The biggest pain point? “Our leaders are nice, but we don’t trust them to protect us when things get tough.”

If such risk is not proactively addressed, the top performers resign. Why? No trust, just empty likability, kills morale.

Practical leadership tool recommended: Trust Scorecard

If you want to transform your leadership, start today with a “Trust Scorecard.” Every month, ask yourself and a few honest advisors:

  1. Did I keep my promises, especially the difficult ones?
  2. Did I deliver bad news early and truthfully?
  3. Did I protect the interests of the team even when it cost me popularity?
  4. Do my team members know where I stand on major issues without guessing?
  5. Am I predictable in my values, or do I bend based on moods and meetings?

The point is simple: Trust is the oxygen of leadership. Without it, people smile in your face but sabotage your plans behind your back. Want to score your leadership trust level? Review here

The leadership challenge

This week, examine one area where you are too focused on being liked. Is it delaying a decision? Avoiding a necessary firing? Overlooking poor performance? Make the shift: choose trust over likability.

In the village, locals do not need a friend. They need a leader who can be trusted to protect the future of the community.

Likability comforts the lazy. Trust strengthens the committed. Choose which one you want to be known for.

Onwards,